old??????

[Guest ali@51]

three elderly women are walking down a road when a naked man comes running towards them.

"Oh no" the first woman says and has a heart attack.

"Oh, gosh!" the second woman shrieks and faints

"Oh, wow" the third woman squeals and has a stroke..............................

[Guest dglamoore]

oh soooooooo good

 

Lisa:cool:

[Guest Django]

oh soooooooo good

 

Oh soooooooooo rude. You girls are soooooooo naughty. You wouldn't get us boys telling such jokes.

 

Pete

[Guest dglamoore]

Oh soooooooooo rude. You girls are soooooooo naughty. You wouldn't get us boys telling such jokes.

 

Pete

 

ahhhh but is it your mind just making us seem sooooo naughty

 

Lisa:cool:

[Guest Roo1]

Oh soooooooooo rude. You girls are soooooooo naughty. You wouldn't get us boys telling such jokes.

 

Pete

 

Go on then Pete, share a "boy" joke then. Lets have a giggle...

[Guest Django]

Go on then Pete, share a "boy" joke then. Lets have a giggle...

 

That sounds like a challenge. Ok here goes. Nice and clean with no female putting in smut:p...

 

 

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway. Nothing is moving.

 

Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on?"

 

"Terrorists down the road have kidnapped Tony Blair, John Prescott, Gordon Brown and Jack Straw.

 

They're asking for a £10 million ransom. Otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire.

 

We're going from car to car, taking up a collection."

 

The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"

 

"Most people are giving about a gallon."

[Guest Leanne & Mark]

Not sure whether to laugh or gasp in Horror.

 

Very good attempt though, but not really side splitting.

[Guest Django]

Ok Leanne here is one for you ladies

 

 

The room was full of pregnant women, with their partners. The pre-natal class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurances to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.

 

She said: "Ladies: remember that exercise is GOOD for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier!"

 

She looked at the men in the room. "And gentlemen, remember: you're in this together. So it wouldn't hurt you to go walking with your partner."

 

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information. Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

 

"Yes?" asked the teacher.

 

"I was just wondering," the man said, "is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

[Guest Leanne & Mark]

CHEEKY

 

Thats better, not quite a lol, but it made me chuckle.

[Guest dglamoore]

Love the second one Pete - personal experience by any chance

 

Lisa:cool:

[Guest Leanne & Mark]

tHIS ONE MADE ME LAUGH

 

Ideal Traits In Men For Women

What It Means In Reality

Artistic

Is able to find matching socks.

Athletic

Can get up to get his own seconds.

Classy

Puts back his Playboy in the hidden drawer.

Communicates well

Answers phone.

Considerate

Has learned to splatter less and put seat down sometimes.

Faithful

Would let you know of his flings.

Hopelessly romantic

Will remember to buy roses for you.

Intellectual

Reads ‘Playboy’.

Interested in women who have brains

Has learned to look to the face of the women sometimes while talking to her instead of her chest.

Loves kids and pets

Will not throw away a crying kid and had a snake once.

Sensitive

Acknowledges the fact that you are crying.