My 6 year old is unhappy!!

[Guest bidsandrew]

Not sure if I am posting this in the right section but hope someone can help.

 

We have been here 6 weeks and although I know it is early days I am so worried about my 6 year old son. He seems so unhappy most of the time. Nothing seems to make him happy, even getting our new puppy made him happy only briefly! In the UK he was a really happy boy with lots of friends and always seemed to make friends really easily when we were out and about. He has always been a sensitive boy and always emotionallly younger than his actual age but never the less normally happy.

 

He doesnt want to go to playparks here (although when he gets there he always has fun and does make friends), he would rather stay at home and mope about and is really misserable. He is also very clingy when we do go anywhere which is so unlike him normaly. He shouts and screams alot and just seems so unsettled and sad. His behaviour is driving my husband mad and to be honest me sometimes too. My husband hasnt found work yet and I think him being at home prop isnt helping as it is not life as normal.

 

He did start school 2 weeks before the end of term and never wanted to go in in the mornings although always seemed to have had a good day when I picked him up. Im not sure he has really made any friends at school but again I know that takes time.

 

My 3 year old is now copying his older brother and im not sure I can deal with 2 unhappy boys!!

 

I know this is all probably really normal and I have asked him if he likes Australia and he has said he does but I dont know what else I can do to make him happy. I know in time he will prob settle down but I just wanted to hear from anyone else just to put my mind at rest.

 

We are loving Aus so far and can see this is definitly the place for us but really want my son to be happy! I even asked him if he wanted to go back to the UK (stupid I know, but I was desperate to find out why he was so unhappy!) and he did say no.

 

Sorry I have gone on but would love some advice or reasurrance from anyone out there who has been in the same situation.

 

Cheers

 

Bridget

[Kingpin]

Hi

 

No real advice for you I am afraid, but just wanted to let you know you are not alone. In fact your post could have been written about my 8 year old! He is also very sensitive and taking time to adjust. At the moment the slightest thing is reducing him to tears which is so unlike him. He too is very social and used to having friends around to play at the drop of a hat. The class at his old school was very very close and I do feel incredibly guilty at taking him away from all that he has ever known.

 

It doesnt help that the summer holidays are now stretching out in front of us and we are having to think of various ways to keep the boys entertained in a completely new environment. We are trying to make sure Christmas is extra special this year as I am sure you are too and have also become involved with one of the SLRCs which is helping. School cant start quick enough for us!

 

I hope someone with some real advice for you is along soon.

 

Sarah

[Diane]

Does the school he goes to offer an OHSC (Out of School Hours Club)? Mine never went unfortunately but I have heard great things about the trips and excursions and stuff they organise during holidays, and it might be a way for him to get to know a few others from his school a bit better, out of the classroom.

[minty]

I would try not to worry. Children are much more adaptable and able to cope with changes then what we think. When he gets settled into school and makes some new friends he will soon settle in. Try not to let him see you worry either, they are good at pickin up on our worries and playing on them.

[Guest UzinOz]

OK, I'm not a psychologist and may be corrected, however my son was 6 when we came and did not cope very well at all, he said he hated it here and hated me for bringing him which was really hard, he didn't get teary or cry, he got angry. I put it down to them mourning, in there eyes they don't have any of the people or place that they loved or were familiar with and this is how they cope with the "loss"

My son is 10 now and he loves his life here, don't think he'd want to go back to UK if we ever decided to, he has lots of friends and is more confident and outgoing than he was in UK.

I hope it gets easier for you soon, it's heartbraking to see them unhappy.

 

Jackie

[Guest teresa lynch]

Hi Bridget

 

We are about to leave England and arrive in Adelaide on the 14th Jan although we are initially staying for 3 weeks in Woodcroft we are hoping to settle in Aldinga as my OH has a job offer there. We have 5 1/2 year old twins one boy (Eben) and one girl (Freya) as well as an older son, Adam who's 12. I also am no Psychologist but have worked with them for the last 5 years in child mental health and I have to agree with Jackie it really does sound like your little boy is mourning. Unfortunately how long this process lasts is different for everyone and it also has many stages the first is the upset and wanting/needing to cling to any familiar thing he knows the next is usually anger. But don't worry he will settle down.

 

It must be hard now your younger child is starting to act the same way. This is learnt behaviour from his big brother who he sees getting attention for his "unacceptable" behaviour. Have you thought of taking the little one to a pre-school/playgroup so that he spends time with happy children, therefore breaking the cycle of learnt behaviour. You would then be free to spend special time with your elder son who really needs his mum at the moment.

 

Try to stay positive as someone else said kids pick up on our feelings and can play on them. I know my twins are at the moment where I'm feeling up and excited one minute and a bit scared the next!

 

I know my son, Eben would love a new friend when we arrive and we would love to meet up for a play date and hey us adults also need friends too.

 

Feel free to PM me if you would like to chat more.

 

Take care

 

Teresa

[Guest bidsandrew]

Thank you all so much for your replies. It does make me feel better to hear I am not alone and also that for most it does work out over time and yes it would make sense that he is mourning for everything that he has every known. It just makes more sense when someone else says it!!

 

I just think as parents (especially mums) we do worry about our kids and as with you, Sarah, the guilt I feel about taking him out of his very close school where he had so many friends is made so much worse when he is sad. Sarah, where abouts are you? It would be great to meet up if you are free and close by. We are in Moana near Port Noarlunga.

 

Diane, I hadnt thought about the after school club but I know there is one at his school. Definitly will be worth looking at thank you. I have met up with a few of his friends from school at the playpark but he just isnt seeming to gel with them whereas before he was friends with anyone but I will keep meeting up with them as its good for us all!

 

Teresa it would be great to meet up with you when you get here. We are 10 min down up the road from Aldinga in Moana, im not sure where Woodcroft is but will look it up. I have tried to look into playgroups for my youngest but unfortunatly they have all stopped now for Christmas but I will look into it again in the new year as he needs that socialising just as much as my eldest needs me one on one! In the UK he went to preschool every day and I think he is missing it terribly. So much change for everyone but I know that it will all work out in time.

 

There are so many positives about being here which does make it so much easier, if we were all misserable I think my post would have been a very different one (perhaps under the heading of "returning to the UK"!!) For one we are looking forward to a very different Christmas day on the beach!

 

I hope you all have a good Christmas and maybe see some of you around

 

Bridget

[Kingpin]

Bridget

 

Glad you feel better after reading the posts. Would love to meet up for a chat. We are in a kind of limbo at the moment as we are in West Lakes (NW Suburbs) until 16 January when we move to Hallett Cove which is a lot nearer you. You'd be most welcome to come round for a chinwag and a cuppa. Or, I am mobile and could meet you somewhere.

 

I have also been told about a couple of really great playgroups for my youngest which I could let you know about. I didnt get a chance to go before they broke up for the holidays but fully intend to after the break as my youngest had started pre school in the UK and it would be fantastic for him to make a few little buddies.

 

Best

 

Sarah

[Scousemouse]

Ah Briget,

what a tough time!

Having 4 kids, albeit older than your son; and 10 years in paediatrics...............i know a little about childrens psyche.

 

What we adults tend to overlook is the fact that kids are SMART! They formulate opinions, and react to situations in a way we "grown ups" try hard not to do; and as adults, we don't give them enough credit for being sentient.

 

It's early days, and the lad just needs time to adjust...........and he will do it in his time, in his way........and he wont tolerate adult interference, no matter how well meaning.

He enjoys his time in the park, with other kids..........whilst "grown ups" are peripheral to his interactions with others;

SCHOOL.........the single area where he can be a person, free from the constraints of parental types, with others who are his peers, and not his gaurdians, who will formulate a relationship not based on how he is but WHO he is, and this is NOT limited to the time he has to build up these relationships.

 

Christmas; a time spent with family, grandparents, other kids in the family...........its been cold, wet and dark..........befor now.

 

He is used to YOU being home, not DAD........and that makes him wonder, i think, just how upside down things are right now.........

 

Soon he will settle, and life will turn back to what he is used to; dont fret love.............

 

Merry Christmas

 

Jane

[Guest leeannekays]

We are arriving on 28th April and have a 4 week furnished rental in moana. We hAve a 6 year old son and a 3 year old girl who will turn 4 just before we fly. Our son is o happy at his school here and has lots of friends and is very settled. I do worry about when we come over and how he ill settle. The school we have registered Him at is Port Noarlunga.

 

Leeanne

[Guest bidsandrew]

Hi Leeanne, we actually live in Moana and our son goes to Port Noarlunga Primary so if you fancy meeting up when you arrive give us a shout. Where are you staying in Moana when you arrive? Hopefully my son will be a bit more settled by April and then at least your son will know someone when he starts school! I do think perhaps we should have done the same before putting him into school but it just didnt work out that way.

 

Hope you have a lovely Christmas and good luck with the move.

 

Bridget

[minty]

Hi Leeanne, we actually live in Moana and our son goes to Port Noarlunga Primary so if you fancy meeting up when you arrive give us a shout. Where are you staying in Moana when you arrive? Hopefully my son will be a bit more settled by April and then at least your son will know someone when he starts school! I do think perhaps we should have done the same before putting him into school but it just didnt work out that way.

 

Hope you have a lovely Christmas and good luck with the move.

 

 

Bridget

 

 

Hi Bridget,

 

What do you think of Port Noarlunga primary school ?. We have 2 girls aged 7 and 4 and this is on our shortlist.

 

 

Chris.

[Anne B]

You could try out the nearest Little Athletics (if he likes running) or Surf CLub (if he likes the beach) as both will have Come and Try sessions and will run after a short xmas break through January. Also there is Vacswim, which are relatively cheap swimming lessons which run for 10 days in January (may be too late to enrol). Will at least keep him busy and help him mix with other children until school starts up again.

http://www.vacswimsa.com/

https://sitedesq.imgstg.com/site/index.cfm?fuseaction=display_main&OrgID=3671

http://www.surfrescue.com.au/

[Guest Messua]

Bridget, I do feel for you! We came here when our boys were 3, 5 & 6. I got the elder 2 at school after 4 weeks simply because they were bored at home, as they had very little to play with. After a couple of months, it was my eldest son's birthday and I asked the teacher to allow me to come in with cakes for the kids. She agreed and we had a little party for him in the classroom. The first few months were a challenge as we had things going on in England that made it hard on all of us emotionally, but the school were a great support to the children and to us. Talk to your child's teacher and ask how he is when you are not there. My guess is that he's coping better than you think.

 

We will have been here 13 years in May and they all have good lives here with lots of friends. They talk of returning to England to work, but we believe that given our circumstances back in 1999, we did the right thing at the time and are pleased they have the choice of where to be.

[Guest leeannekays]

Hi Bridget, we are staying in a fully furnished rental in Moana with Acacia Rentals from 28 th April until 27th May. In this time we need o find longterm accommodation and 100 other things.

Would be great to meet up, thank you.

 

Have a lovely Christmas and happy new year head.

Leeanne xx

[Guest css]

HI,we are waiting to come to oz,we have had our house up for sale now for 4 months but havent managed to sell yet..we live in wales and our 2 children went to a welsh school.When we decided to emigrate we took our 7 year old daughter out of the welsh speaking school and put her in an English speaking school and she settled immediatley no problem at all and has been very happy there for 18 months.We recently managed to get our son a place in the same school-he's just turned 6, and hes been a nightmare,Really sad and sensitive havent settled at all.I just thought I would let you know that my son is feeling exactly the same about his move and we are still in the uk with all his family around him and he also still sees his friends from his old school at football so I think its just any change unsettles some children The worse thing is we have to do all this again when we finally get to Oz hopefully this year.We are coming out next month to activate our visas and are staying in port noarlunga for 3 weeks.I hope he settles soon and everything works out for you all. best wishes Clare

[Guest leeannekays]

Hi Bidsandrew, I have just come across this thread, how is your son now. Has he settled? Do you fancy meeting for a cupa?

 

Leeanne

[Guest bidsandrew]

Hi Leeanne, how are you guys getting on? Yes my son is settling better now thanks, although still has his moments!! It would be lovely to meet for a coffee, let me know when you are free. Where did you settle in the end and where is Callum going to school? Have you got your youngest into Kindy? See you soon Bridget

[Guest conor222]

hi there

someone probably already said this but have you had a few experiences and outings as a family? try and keep them connected into the fold and really talk to them, they are probably feeling a little unheard...... my 4 year old responds well to this but even my 2 and 10 month old get a lot out of a family couple of hour coffee outing or a walk and a talk????? sorry if I'm out of turn commenting x

[Guest leeannekays]

I have sent you a message. We are settling in Seaford, Callum goes to Moana School and Emily goes to Moana Kindy. Both settling well. does your youngest go to Kindy? Glad your son is settling well. It is all a big change, but well worth it. Leeanne x See you soon

[ozzieclare2be]

hi bridget my sons at porties, just wondering which class hes in?my sons in Mr W's. Kids are usually resilient at this age, sounds like hes out of his routine, once its restablished things will settle down im sure, take care x

[Guest bidsandrew]

Hi Clare, thanks, my son is in Mr Letchers class but is moving to St Johns Catholic school next term.

 

Maybe see you at school before he leaves?!! Im sure they prob know each other!

 

Bridget

[janice1uk]

Hi Clare, thanks, my son is in Mr Letchers class but is moving to St Johns Catholic school next term.

 

Maybe see you at school before he leaves?!! Im sure they prob know each other!

 

Bridget

Hi my son is in Mr letchers class also but finding the work far too easy. If you dont mind me asking why are you moving schools.