It's sometimes a dangerous path we tread!!

[Keith & Linda]

Whats the difference between IRON MAN & IRON WOMAN?

 

 

 

Ones a super hero the other is an order!!

 

Dangerous talk ?? do not repeat this at home men!

[Blossom]

Ohhhh no lol.

 

I don't even own an iron. :-D

[Ktee]

Iron, what's that, in my house if they want something ironed they do it themselves. OH once asked me to iron his shirt I put a huge hole in it, well it worked because he never asked me again.

[Keith & Linda]

Iron, what's that, in my house if they want something ironed they do it themselves. OH once asked me to iron his shirt I put a huge hole in it, well it worked because he never asked me again.

 

I can see where he went wrong..... he asked!!! he should have known better, you girls need direction.

 

told you its a dangerous path we tread!

[Ktee]

He knows where the iron would have ended up if he had told me

[Keith & Linda]

Here's another good reason why men should not get involved with housework.

 

Just had a mate text me from the casualty department, apperently the new Dyson ball cleaner is not what he thought it was!!

[Blossom]

Here's another good reason why men should not get involved with housework.

 

Just had a mate text me from the casualty department, apperently the new Dyson ball cleaner is not what he thought it was!!

That actually took me a few seconds to get lol.

[Keith & Linda]

Just booked a table for me and the wife for her birthday, bound to end in tears though............ she's crap at snooker!!

[Keith & Linda]

A married man should always forget his mistakes, its no use two people remembering them.........forever!!

[Ktee]

Wife: Honey I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear!' Husband: Kitchen, living room, laundry, dining room......'

[Keith & Linda]

I must say though you girls can make housework look difficult, we men can sweep the room....... with a glance! and hay it's clean!!!

 

And yes Lazycow I know its about standards!!

[Ktee]

The Wife Came Home Early From Work And Found Her Husband In Bedroom Making Love To A Very Attractive Young Woman.

She Cried: “You Are A Disrespectful Pig! How Dare You Do This To Me — A Faithful Wife, The Mother Of Your Children! I’m Leaving You. I Want A Divorce Right Away!”

Husband Replied: “Hang On Just A Minute Love So At Least I Can Tell You What Happened.”

She Sobbed: “Fine, Go Ahead, But They’ll Be The Last Words You’ll Say To Me!”

And The Husband Began –

Well, I Was Getting Into The Car To Drive Home, And This Young Lady Here Asked Me For A Lift.

She Looked So Down And Out And Defenseless That I Took Pity On Her And Let Her Into The Car.

I Noticed That She Was Very Thin, Not Well Dressed And Very Dirty. She Told Me That She Hadn’t Eaten For Three Days.

So, In My Compassion, I Brought Her Home And Warmed Up The Enchiladas I Made For You Last Night, The Ones You Wouldn’t Eat Because You’re Afraid You’ll Put On Weight.

Since She Needed A Good Clean-Up, I Suggested A Shower, And While She Was Doing That, I Noticed Her Clothes Were Dirty And Full Of Holes, So I Threw Them Away.

Then, As She Needed Clothes, I Gave Her The Designer Jeans That You Have Had For A Few Years, But Don’t Wear Because You Say They Are Too Tight.

I Also Gave Her The Underwear That Was Your Anniversary Present, Which You Don’t Wear Because I Don’t Have Good Taste.

I Found The Sexy Blouse My Sister Gave You For Christmas That You Don’t Wear Just To Annoy Her, And I Also Donated Those Boots You Bought At The Expensive Boutique And Don’t Wear Because Someone At Work Has A Pair The Same.

The Husband Took A Quick Breath And Continued: “She Was So Grateful For My Understanding And Help That As I Walked Her To The Door, She Turned To Me With Tears In Her Eyes And Said,

“Please … Do You Have Anything Else That Your Wife Doesn’t Use?“

[Guest sithewindows]

The Cowboy headstone read

 

There are 5 important rules for a happy life

 

1. Its important for you to have a woman who can cook and clean

 

2. Its important for you to have a woman who can make you laugh

 

3. Its important for you to have a woman who you can trust

 

4. Its important to have a woman who is good in bed

 

5. Its very important these 4 women never meet as you may end up dead like me!

[Keith & Linda]

My wifes been missing for 2 weeks now, and the police said I should prepeare for the worst, so I went to the charity shop and got all her clothes back!

[Keith & Linda]

I have just bought my son an 'iPAD', my daughter an 'iPOD', myself an 'iPHONE' and my wife an 'iRON' the wife was not too impressed even after I explained it can be fully intergrated with the iWASH, iCOOK and iCLEAN networks, this set off her iNAG app and totally wiped out the iSHAG function!!!

[Keith & Linda]

Apparently in England you can not now use the term 'English weather' for fear of offending some of the minorities! You can of course use ' Muslim Weather' to discribe the weather.......... Partly Sunni but mostly Shi'ite!!

[Keith & Linda]

The pantomine 'Jack & the Beanstalk' has had to be cancelled in both Birmingham and Bradford, due to the giant not being able to smell the blood of an English Man!!!

[Keith & Linda]

The pantomine Alladin was also cancelled after the lead male actor was raped on stage by the gay genie, but to be fair the audience did try to warn him!

 

And why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman its sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man it $2.50/min (charges may vary)?

[Keith & Linda]

My wife said to me that I need to get a penis enlarger!!! so I did..............................................she's blonde, 21 and her name is Lucy! The wife was not too keen on that so I bought something off the internet, and some ba%&*@d sent me a magnifying glass!!

[Keith & Linda]

Why can't women say what they mean, they need to give precise instructions, for example I offered to help her prepare the dinner the other night, she gave me a bag of potatoes told me to peel half and put them in the pot.

 

I did precisely that and why she got upset I have no idea

Women

[BillyJo]

Amidst a plane crash heading for certain death......a woman turns to her husband,looks him in the eyes, and says, " make me feel like a woman one last time darling".

The husband whips out the iron and white shirt from his hand luggage and says "iron that for me then babes will you?"

 

[Tamara (Homes Down Under)]

Sheila bought a pair of crutchless knickers in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life...

She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the lounge suite opposite Bruce.

At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs and slowly recrosses them …

Finally Bruce asks:

”Are you wearing crutchless knickers?”

“Y-e-s,” she answers with a seductive smile.

“Thank Christ for that …. I thought the stuffing was coming out of the lounge suite.”