How do my Scottish children make good friends here?

[Guest weegie]

Help required urgently!

My two kids, Finn - age 13/Yr 8 and Amber age 9/yr5, seem to be struggling to make friends here like the ones they left behind in Glasgow. We are in our second year here, in the beautiful suburb of Brighton, and me and my hubby love it, but the kids seem to be quite unhappy, saying they miss their friends. It has become a real issue to get them to go to school (no there's no bullying going on, and they're both doing great academically) and it is causing us major stress

Any advice willingly taken, and if any of you have children of similar ages, perhaps we could meet up...

[zebedee]

Are they involved in any clubs outside of school? We found the local scouts really good in Henley when we first arrived and have moved a second time but again, local soccer, girl guides, etc seems to have helped get them into friends quite quickly. My three are all quite shy and need a bit of encouragement but I am happy that they are progressing and it's helped us to meet other parents too

[spanners]

Say they are English.

 

Sorry, I know I'm a knob and its all said in jest.

 

My kids joined sports clubs as thats a big thing here. My son aged 8 is quite slight but loves footie and now knows half the kids in the village through it.

Edited May 26, 2014 by spanners

[Guest weegie]

Ha ha, Spanners, no that won't work - their accents give it away!

And Zebedee, finn goes to tennis and Amber to theatrebugs, but it just doesn't seem to be happening. Part of it I think, is that if they don't make friends they think they might get to go home (we're not going back) and its an excellent weapon for them to wield to hurt us

[spanners]

That is a tricky one and somewhat sneeky. How about taking them places or doing things that they would never be able to do in Scotland. I know most of everyday life here is much the same as the UK but there are things / places that only happen here. My kids love catching and eating blue swimmer crabs (although the season is over) or squidding. I hated fishing in the UK and hence the kids would never have done it if we were still there. You could go total Bogan and watch the drag racing or put a tie on and go to the horse racing in the Hills.

 

My psudo psychology would guess that once they start embracing Aus then they'll be happier people and friends will follow. Long game though. My memory from childhood was generally not liking 'friends' that my parents introduced or were children of their friends.

[Diane]

Ha ha, Spanners, no that won't work - their accents give it away!

And Zebedee, finn goes to tennis and Amber to theatrebugs, but it just doesn't seem to be happening. Part of it I think, is that if they don't make friends they think they might get to go home (we're not going back) and its an excellent weapon for them to wield to hurt us

 

Are there any team sports that Finn enjoys? Basketball, football, soccer maybe? It took us a couple of tries to find a soccer club for my son when he was younger that wasn't too cliquey though so you might have to be prepared to try a few different ones. For your daughter have you looked into any am dram groups as well? I know local to us there is a group that put on a pantomime each year and my daughter made a big group of friends through that. Also check out a group called Pelican Productions - they do a summer music theatre camp every January which is fantastic for meeting new friends, and I think possibly a winter one in July. Kids on that come from so many different schools and it's very well organised. My daughter also belonged to the Australian Girls' Choir through which she made great friendships. At school, see if they can get involved in things like the choir (for your daughter) or maybe something like a debating club or music group - all helps them mix with different groups and with luck they will find someone they click with. Good luck - it's heartbreaking when your kids don't seem to fit in, for whatever reason.

[adelaidenow]

Diane, I know they are Scottish, but getting kids to have a dram?

[AboutTime]

Hi - I am from Ayrshire in Scotland and arrived when my kids were a bit younger than yours - I know it's now coming into winter, but the Brighton Surf Club have lots of nationalities as members; our friends had the same problem with their kids and the surf club seemed to help - would depend if your kids where keen of course - parents can also socialise there, which is a bonus and just the push kids need sometimes, when they see their parents socialising too. Good luck though, it is hard and all takes time

[Guest Guest75]

It does not matter where the children are from - if they are outgoing - they will fit in!! Be they Scottish,from the Isle of Man or Yorkshire!

[flossybeth]

With our youngest (7 when we arrived) we found that talking to the teacher seemed to help - at both schools she's attended her teachers had picked up that although settling in academically she didn't have many friends and as soonas she was "helped" by her teachers (situations engineered etc) then she felt much more confident at school. Maybe - again with your youngest could you just send a note into school with her for a friend that she might like to come home to play? If you're not seeing the parents in the playground (and they can be elusive!) it can be hard to arrange that first play but them it seems to get easier. My son came home with a couple of "invites" like that at the end of their first term here; they literally said "Bob would love to catch up over the holidays; we're around during these weeks, and then contact details" It did take a bit of courage to text the parents but we decided that since they'd sent the invites home then they wanted children for their son to play with.

 

For our son (who's 11) he seems to have got on best with children who also play Minecraft - they all meet-up online and play together (don't ask me how it works) which made him more confident in actually talking to the boys in school too.

 

IT must be terribly hard though if they're trying to manipulate you into going home - do they have any real gripes about being here or is it just a rebellion at being moved?

 

We'd be happy to meet up with you - our three are now 12, 11 & 9 and we've been here almost two years too, I couldn't promise they'd all become friends but it might be a nice afternoon...

[Guest weegie]

Hi Flossybeth,

Perhaps we could meet up, even if its just for a bit of moral support! I have been speaking to Amber's teacher - the school is very pro-active - and Finn is seeing the in-school psychologist at Brighton High. They do both regularly having 'play dates' but Finn's friends are still in yr 7 and Amber says hers just aren't like her Scottish friends. But of course, those friends were made over years and we've only been here for 15 months. They seem to have bloody high ideals, lol! I have a survey for all of us to do about our likes and dislikes both about Glasgow and Adelaide, so hopefully that will throw up something we can work with

[AboutTime]

Hi Tyke was not saying it matters where anyone is from - just sharing a bit about myself and a friend in the same situation, I agree does not matter where children are from or adults for that matter, take everyone as you find them is my motto

[Guest Guest75]

Hi Tyke was not saying it matters where anyone is from - just sharing a bit about myself and a friend in the same situation, I agree does not matter where children are from or adults for that matter, take everyone as you find them is my motto

 

Sorry - my post was not directed at you AboutTime .

 

 

We have friends from all walks of life , areas and countries - embracing the ideal here. If we had tried to "stick with our own" (Yorkshire folk /Poms) - we would have been back in the UK ASAP.

 

It takes a mixture of friends here to make the move successful.

[Lazy Cow]

But of course, those friends were made over years and we've only been here for 15 months. They seem to have bloody high ideals, lol! I have a survey for all of us to do about our likes and dislikes both about Glasgow and Adelaide, so hopefully that will throw up something we can work with

 

It sounds like you are doing everything possible. It's hard being a parent sometimes!

 

I think it's great the school psychologist is helping. Perhaps they will be able to get at least one of your kids to appreciate that if they relax and give it time, the friends they are making now will become as 'good' as their Scottish ones.

 

I think it's easy to cling onto the feeling you are alone and no one really understands you the way your old friends did. Even kids get that sense that all you've shared (experiences, TV shows, places) with your long-term friends makes it easier for them to really 'get' you.

 

Were the kids initially keen on migrating? Are they a little envious and sad they are missing stuff back in Scotland? Have they been like this since Day One! If so, perhaps they've become so used to focusing on the past and what their old friends are up to, it's simply become a habit to think that way?

 

Looking at your son's posts. It sounds like he's going to give it a real go - good for him! I reckon it'll work out just fine. You are obviously doing all you can, and I am sure it will work out.

 

LC

[Guest Guest12727]

Weegie,

I can't help but notice your location on your 'sign in' still says, Glasgow, Scotland. Is there a subconscious message being sent here? Even your title refers to your kids as Scottish. Perhaps start thinking of yourselves as Aussies - it might wear off on the kids. Just a thought.

[jo_marnes]

How long have you been here? It takes a good while to settle in. Kids will soon forget what it was like back 'home'. Sure, it's not easy now. But it will end. It's always hard being the newbie, but soon they'll be helping out the next newbie. Just give them time and support xxx

[Linda21]

Hi, I understand the feeling well! We are in the process of emigrating and my two sons are rebelling. The eldest who is 12 (year 8 in England) is gradually coming round to the idea - on a good day, whilst on the other hand my youngest (aged 10 in year 5) is totally against the move. He is determined that he is not going and will NOT make friends. In fact, he has stated that he is staying here and we won't be able to move him! Oh the joys of children! We are not doing this as a selfish move, but in the hope that it will be a better life for all of us, especially them! We are coming across in October for a reccie visit for 3 weeks, so hopefully will sell Oz to them a bit more! Any ideas of things we can do while over would be welcome. Possibly if there is anyone else out there with kids (preferably boys around the same age who are loving it) maybe we can arrange to meet up. Might make the whole experience a lot less scary for them. Any help or advice welcome.

[Guest weegie]

Linda21,

 

Give us a shout when you're on your way over for the visit. Ours might be in a better place by then and can maybe do the sales job for you.

 

Tony

[Linda21]

Sounds good. Will let you know when we are over. Thanks

[Linda21]

Hi Flossybeth,

Just been reading your post about settling your kids and was wondering how things were going now. We're heading over for a reccie in October for 3 weeks and have two boys who will be aged 13 and 11 by then. The youngest is really against the move but is Minecraft mad! Perhaps it would be possible to meet up or even arrange for our two 11 year olds to play together on Minecraft before we come over. What do you think?

[Selah]

Help required urgently!

My two kids, Finn - age 13/Yr 8 and Amber age 9/yr5, seem to be struggling to make friends here like the ones they left behind in Glasgow. We are in our second year here, in the beautiful suburb of Brighton, and me and my hubby love it, but the kids seem to be quite unhappy, saying they miss their friends. It has become a real issue to get them to go to school (no there's no bullying going on, and they're both doing great academically) and it is causing us major stress

Any advice willingly taken, and if any of you have children of similar ages, perhaps we could meet up...

 

Ahh the joyous manipulation of the teen/tweens!! I am a great advocate in manufacturing friendships - i.e. finding out who they might have some relationship with and inviting them over for a really cool play date - multiple times. All it takes is one really good friend to change everything.

 

It is interesting as mine were 13, 11 and 5 when we moved here. It was the 5 year old who struggled the most and would have moved back even after 2 years! It took 3 for him to really meet a lovely set of friends who I suspect he will know and like for the rest of his school years. I do find in some schools Australian children aren't as used to different accents of children who have travelled a bit. It's not malicious but they don't make the effort. That's why I've often provided a helping hand... I figure it's the only time I might have a choice to influence so I do my classroom research. Volunteering at school every once in a while (and yes I do work full time so know it's hard) gives me good insight into whether they REALLY have no friends, are using the friendship card for manipulation and provides some insight into who I would LIKE them to be friends with. Good luck. I always say - it's easy to make the move for yourself but when one or more of the wee ones aren't happy it's heart wrenching. That's until I realised that 13 particularly is a very difficult year (and some would say 9 year old girls are the worst!) so it could just as well have happened back home.

[Guest weegie]

Hi Michelle

 

I've attached pm'd you.

[C4rlyb]

Hi,

 

We are moving to Adelaide in March 2015 and would love to get our children in contact with others of a similar age who have recently moved countries and may be able to offer them support and friendship. Abbie is 13, Kian is 10 and Jaimie is 8 so similar ages to your children. Would you be interested in them getting in contact with one another? I think it would really help my children to feel more confident about the move. Let me know if you would be interested.

 

thanks