I keep changing my mind.

[zebedee]

Good old Doug! Yes, I'm sure Mims would do well following your good sound advice. You really do seem to get the very best out of life and it's good to know you enjoy it all so much. In fact, we could all do with a 'Doug' friend in our lives, at times! Purely by observation through reading PIA threads, you're a perfect example of what a 'people person' truly is. You're the man. All the best.

 

Agree. Very touching post from Doug. I have a good feeling about this story.

[DougM]

Hey Barbaitch, less of the 'old', I'm only 25.............in my mind.

[Mims33]

Thank you all so much.

 

Doug sounds a lovely man. I could do with some guidance from someone wise :-)

 

I am hoping I can turn this story into a positive one after a tough few years for us all. I really want to change things, we had alot of anxiety and stress when my brother turned violent and my sisters cut me off when I wouldn't forgive him and let him back in our life. Since that day I had nothing but nastiness from my sister wanting me to forgive our brother and her nastiness caused me constant panic attacks. I was doing what was right for my family, having a violent man hurt my husband and then a year later come after me and try to hurt me (police involved both times, you have to say enough is enough and protect your children and yourself. He had hurt his own children, been violent towards other family members but my family just brush everything under the carpet, I however cannot just do that. Everyone around me told me for years my siblings were toxic people but I didn't listen. Boy I wish I had as I could have saved myself alot of pain. I haven't had them in my life for 2-3 years now and during the first 2 years my anxiety was horrific and my poor children witnessed their mum unable to leave the house, which was horrible for me. I had to try and explain to them why I couldn't go out, which wasn't easy. Luckily they are great young people and all supported me, once I started going out I got big high fives everytime I went to a shop, a restaurant..... Last year i took them on holiday again, days out...They were so grateful and always said 'well done mummy' they are just amazing, I cry thinking about it, lol! My life is now good and I had amazing support from my hubby and GP. It's just now there is something I feel that needs to change as we aren't truly happy living here anymore. We feel so much has happened, we are too close to family and I guess I feel uneasy knowing they are so close and they have such aggressive personalities. They have left me alone since the police had to be involved the day my brother chased me in his car, but I think for me I need distance and I need a fresh start. I am happy, my kids are happy but deep down I feel something needs to change.

 

When you've been through something difficult, you come out of the storm a happier and stronger person. You view life differently. I do believe it changes you and I now want to just be happy, truly happy.

 

Our children are all for a move away, our 11 year old soon though has said he would miss his Nan and he gets tearful imagining leaving her. She is my mum and of course I love her, I used to say I couldn't go and leave my mum but after the way I was treated, my mum included, I don't see them as a reason to stay. I know she is so sorry now for treating me badly and putting pressure on me to forgive my siblings (she went about it the wrong way) we have rebuilt our relationship but I still want to go. When I was struggling with agoraphobia and anxiety my mum knew and didn't support me at all, it was my auntie who came to me and was a mother to me. It's really affected my relationship with my mum. Obviously my children don't know about this and they love their Nan dearly. It breaks my heart to see my son upset but I guess I again can't let that stop me from going. We haven't told our children we will go, we just asked them what they thought. Our eldest is almost 13, he is all for it as he thinks a fresh start is just what we need, I really want to do this for him too.

 

Sorry for the ramble. I love my husband and children so much. I want a new life, fresh start in a new place and give my husband his dream. I have no reason to stay here as I feel I have no family, I have been alienated and hurt and as my husband says 'it's harder to live 10 minutes down the road and feel pushed out and hurt by family, it would be so much easier being 10,000 miles away from it'. I agree with him. He only has his father in his life after his mum left his dad, it pains him. I think we have both been given a very poor hand when we were dealt families. Bless him.

 

Thank you all for your kind words. I wear my heart on my sleeve so I am sorry to have poured my heart out. You are all so nice, I am so glad I posted.

 

xx

[barbaitch]

Hey Barbaitch, less of the 'old', I'm only 25.............in my mind.

 

LOL! Me, too! Nuff said... x

[DougM]

Mims, p.m. sent.